


every wave that broke me (was to get me home to you)

by emorosadiaz



Series: home is when i'm alone with you [1]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Amy, Bisexual Jake, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Team as Family, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-06 00:30:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14630244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emorosadiaz/pseuds/emorosadiaz
Summary: collection of my peraltiago prompt-fill fics from tumblr.chapter 2: after jake comes out as bi to amy, amy tries to come out as bi to jake.





	1. drink me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anon prompt: drink me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!!!! this is my 2nd peraltiago fic. i just started accepting peraltiago prompts on tumblr last month so if you ever wanna hmu there, [here's my blog](http://pikapegasus.tumblr.com/)!!!! fic title is from "landlady" by u2.
> 
> this one's post-5x20. ft. a liiiiiittle dianetti if u squint bc i didn't wanna take away the focus from peraltiago......but i love dianetti so i'd love to write them too

Per Rosa’s request, the squad quickly finds themselves wrapped up in the energetic atmosphere of Shaw’s, drinking away the terrors of the day. Jake, unable to quite shake all the anxiety yet, watches Rosa, his eyes following her all the way to the booth she’s occupying quietly with Gina and Amy in the corner.

“Diaz is safe now, Peralta,” Holt says, snapping Jake out of his nervous daze. “It’s a time for celebration.”

“Yeah,” Jake says, turning his attention to Holt. “Yeah, you’re right. I guess I just haven’t wrapped my brain around that yet.”

“Today was quite complicated,” Holt says, sipping his drink. “All we can do is be there for Diaz, if she ever chooses to open up to us.”

Jake exaggerates a fake gag. “All these emotions are making me sick.”

“It’s not my ideal pastime, either,” Holt reminds, then looks beyond Jake. “I believe Santiago requires your attention.”

At that, Jake turns, only to find Amy weaving through the clusters of bar-goers gathered here and there between himself and her. She stumbles ever so slightly, holding an empty shot glass, and Jake recognizes the frown etched onto her face.

It’s six-drink-Amy.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Holt says, taking his leave and joining Terry at a nearby table.

Amy reaches Jake then, grasping his arm with trembling lips and the saddest eyes Jake _swears_ he’s ever seen. “Hey, babe,” he says gently, placing his hands on her arms to hold her steady. “Are you feeling okay?”

“No. I mean—yes. I mean—fine. I’m fine.” Amy grips his shirts a little more tightly. “Just lonely.”

“You were just with Gina and Rosa.” He can’t fully keep the laugh out of his voice. “They’re your friends!”

She presses her face into his chest. “Immphew.”

“I need you to speak English, Ames,” he says, rubbing her back.

Still frowning, she turns her head up to meet his eyes, freeing her lips from the fabric of his shirt. “I missed you.”

“It’s okay, I’m right here!” he reminds, squeezing her arm. “I’ve been here the whole time.”

She rests her cheek against his chest, glossy eyes watching Rosa and Gina at their booth. “I just kept thinking about how if you were at the shooting, I would’ve missed you so much.”

He’d be lying if he said the thought hadn’t crossed his mind as well—with Amy in Rosa’s place rather than himself—but something tells him that’s not the best scenario to put in Amy’s mind at the moment. Instead, he hugs her more closely to his chest, resting his head on top of hers. “It’s okay,” he repeats. “I’m right here—safe and sound. As is Rosa. We’re okay, babe.”

“I can’t believe you almost went after her,” Amy says shakily.

“Thinking about you is what stopped me,” he says. “And look, see?” He pulls away just enough for her to see his face fully. “I’m here, with you. And we’re getting married in a couple weeks!”

“Yeah,” she says, smiling a little, but it doesn’t stop the stray tear that escapes her eye. He wipes it away diligently, his fingers brushing gently over her skin, and she covers his hand on her face with her own. “I hope we can stay together forever this time.”

He thinks back to Florida and prison and the safe house with Kevin, feeling tears well up himself, but he swallows them back. “I promise to never leave you, Ames. At least, not on purpose. The universe will have to drag me kicking and screaming to keep me away from you.”

“The universe can’t physically drag you,” she drones tearfully. “It doesn’t have a body. It’s _intangible_ , dummy.”

“How is it intangible? Don’t we all make up the universe?” He shakes his head. “Whatever. The point _is_ I refuse to let anything split us up anymore. Okay?”

Amy nods with a sniffle, swiping her hand across her wet eyes, but it’s not enough to stop all the tears. He can’t blame her; it’s been a _day_ , okay, and they all need to let out some steam one way or another.

“C’mere,” he murmurs, embracing Amy once more. She cries softly into his chest, her body shaking, and Jake unintentionally makes eye contact with Gina over Amy’s head, only to find her holding up six fingers. He’s _well aware_ this is six-drink-Amy, okay, thanks for the head’s up, Gina.

That’s not the only thing happening with Gina, though; Rosa’s leaning into her, Gina holding her close with an arm around her shoulders, and Jake thinks, _really_ thinks, they got extremely lucky today. The thought of a mass shooting occurring hadn’t even crossed his mind when he woke up this morning. Today could’ve been the last time he cuddled Amy, or got roasted by Gina, or worked a case with Charles, or just _saw_ Rosa.

Every day holds a handful of potential _lasts_ , and he forgets to stop to think about it.

So, he awkwardly leans back just enough to press his lips to Amy’s hairline, thinking that if a mass shooter suddenly entered the bar in this moment, at least Jake will have had one, final, tender moment with Amy (even if it’s six-drink-Amy).

But that doesn’t happen. What _does_ happen is that Amy calms down, breathing a little more easily and looking up at him with the smallest, _softest_ smile. “I love you so much.”

He returns the smile. “I love you so much, too.”

It’s a mouthful of words, but it’s his _favorite_ mouthful of words to say.

“I’m sorry six-drink-Amy is sad,” she says. “I know we’re supposed to be happy now.”

“I learned a very important lesson today about emotions being valid, so I beg to differ,” he teases. “We can be happy for Rosa _and_ sad for the people who weren’t okay. Or sad because this is something that happens regularly here, so it could happen to us again tomorrow, if you really think about it—“

“Oh, God.”

“Sorry, sorry, my anxiety forgets it’s not allowed to talk to your anxiety,” he amends, because his anxiety is just a lowly bee to Amy’s _queen_ bee anxiety, and six-drink-Amy-anxiety is something else entirely. “Just. It’s okay to feel…the things. Whatever the things are.”

“Okay,” she says, blowing out a breath.

“Yeah. Okay,” he returns, pressing another kiss to her head for good measure. “We’re not okay, but we’re also okay.”

And that’s okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come chit chat it up with me on [tumblr](http://pikapegasus.tumblr.com/) yoooo


	2. tell me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stooperman's prompt: "tell me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip another super old prompt but that wedding last night got me #hyped let’s goooo
> 
> anyway, tw for mentions of biphobia/homophobia ahead. hope u guys enjoy!!!

Amy will always remember the day Jake came out to her.

It’d been hot on the heels of Rosa’s own coming out to the squad, as he tried to help her navigate a complicated sea of emotions with her parents. He came home tired, stressed, and emotionally drained, plopping face down on the couch and groaning into the cushions with his feet in Amy’s lap.

When she finally goaded him into sitting up, they began talking about other coming out horror stories they’d heard, about people they personally knew and people they’d never met before, about sexuality and exploration and questioning and then it just slipped out—

“Ames, I think…I think I’m also bi.”

Jake held his breath and watched her face carefully, so Amy cupped his cheek with her hand and smiled, because she’d always had a _feeling_ , and she held him close.

“Is that okay?” he asked, despite the clear message of approval in her body language, and her smile widened.

“Of course it is,” she said. “It’s who you are. And I _love_ who you are.”

“I love you, too,” he said, and they kissed, triggering both the familiar electricity to course through her veins and a new cloud of uncertainty to hang over her head.

Amy will always remember the day Jake came out to her, because it’s the day she came back out to herself.

* * *

It had all started in high school with, _surprise_ , a kiss.

She’d kissed boys before. She’d done… _other_ _things_ with boys before.

But there she stood, in the girls’ bathroom during lunch, being kissed by a friend who’d come out to her one week prior and admitted her feelings for Amy a _day_ prior, and Amy wasn’t sure what came over her, but it was, surprisingly, the same feeling that came over her when she’d kissed boys.

(She loved it.)

Relationships fizzle, and this one was no exception, but the eye-opening impact it’d left on Amy remained ever since.

And everything was fine until it wasn’t—until one of her older brothers came out as gay and her parents forced him to go to Confession and talk to the priest from their parish, because it wasn’t natural, it was _sinful_.

That’s when Amy learned _no one_ could know.

So, like Jake, she learned to “repress the hell” out of everything, except rather than it being family trauma, it was _herself_.

Times have changed, though, as have people. Her parents have changed their stances. Her brother is happily married to his college sweetheart, and the two have adopted three beautiful children together.

But Amy can’t bring herself to change—to open that forbidden box in her mind back up and release the poor, innocent truth from its prison.

(Just the idea makes her heart stutter in her chest and her fingers shake, and she envies Rosa, for being able to tell so many others at once without batting an eye, and Jake, for being able to tell _her_ , the person he wants to marry.)

She attends the new and improved family game nights at Rosa’s place with Jake weekly, actively burying the box she’d locked her own bisexuality up in years ago even _further_ in her mind and throwing the key away into a deep, dark hole.

And one week, Jake decides to come out to everyone, only to be greeted with warm hugs and support—and the label of “bi bros” by Charles, referring to Jake and Rosa.

“Ew,” Rosa says.

“To be fair,” Jake says, “that’s actually one of Charles’ better name ideas.”

Amy watches on, biting her lip, wishing she could be one of the “bi bros,” too.

* * *

With their wedding rapidly approaching, Amy’s anxiety calms ever so slightly, because it’s become increasingly apparent as of late that Jake has no intentions of backing out or leaving— _ever_ —even if this is who she really is.

Logically, it’s a stupid thing to fear, she _knows_ , because he’s bi, he accepts Rosa as bi, he _loves_ Amy, and wants the best for her as she wants the best for him.

“Ames,” Jake says on the first day of May, just two weeks out from their wedding, “I know something’s been on your mind lately.”

“You mean our wedding that’s two weeks away and still has a ton of planning left to do?” she quips, adjusting her glasses.

He looks to the fat binder sitting on the dining table beneath her finger tips, then back to her. “That, and something else.”

She presses her lips together, her grip on her favorite highlighter tightening ever so slightly, and he smiles.

“I’m just saying,” he says, “you can tell me when you’re ready. No rush. Love ya.”

With that, he presses a kiss to her cheek, then returns to his path out the front door, keys and wallet in hand, to pick up dinner.

When he’s gone, the words printed in the binder start to blur despite her glasses, and she puts the cap back on her highlighter and rests her forehead against her palm with a deep, shaky sigh.

* * *

Taking a page from Jake’s book, Amy starts practicing her words in the privacy of the bathroom, reciting them to herself in the mirror until she can get the b-word out without shaking. Her gaze is intense and her lips are caught in a deep frown—an expression far too harsh for something that should be easy and comfortable to share with Jake, her soon-to-be husband.

But then life happens, and Jake has to finish all the wedding planning alone while she catches a long-lost perp with Rosa and their wedding receives a _bomb threat_ and they get married outside the _precinct_ , of all places.

The words she’s practiced slip her mind during the week-long whirlwind, thankfully, but once she’s lying in bed with Jake as husband and wife for the first time ever, they hit her again like a _train_.

“I know we just lost a lot of money on our wedding, and Nutriboom is still out to get me, but I think a staycation honeymoon won’t be too bad, right?” Jake says, intertwining their legs together and curling into her more closely. “We can still do all the stuff in the sex section of the wedding binder! With the cascading tabs!”

“Oh…I’m a little tired out from today,” she says gently.

“Yeah, same, I didn’t mean right _now_ , I just meant over the course of our staycation honeymoon,” he says, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Today turned out to be pretty good, after all.”

Finally, she sighs, because she feels _bad_. She’s trapped him now, the irrational part of her accuses, because she’s waited until _after_ they got married to tell him the truth.

“Jake, I have to tell you something.”

“I know, I know, my butt is the bomb.”

“Not that,” she amends, biting her lip, and he looks at her more intently at that, concern in his gaze.

“Is this the thing that’s been on your mind lately?” he asks.

She nods.

“It’s okay,” he says. “I mean, unless it’s something that’s not okay. But it’s okay you haven’t told me yet. I trust you.”

“Thank you. Remember…” she murmurs slowly, hesitantly. “Remember when Rosa came out as bi? And—and then you came out to me as bi?”

The word still feels sticky, _forbidden_ , on her lips, but she forces herself to trudge through and finish the job. Jake nods.

“I’m also bi,” she whispers, because any louder, someone could hear, and she’s still not entirely sure she wants _Jake_ to hear. “I—I have been for a long time, I mean, I’ve _known_ for a long time, but…”

She trails off, waiting for that last possible shoe to drop on this relationship, this _marriage_ , because even throughout the imperfections they’ve endured, it’s too _good_ to Amy, and she still can’t believe it.

But Jake smiles, and cups her cheek with his hand—just as she had done to him months prior—and she notices she’s holding her breath—just as he had done.

“I love you, Ames,” he says. “Thanks for telling me.”

“It’s okay, right?” she can’t help but ask. “I mean, I know it’s okay—I _think_ it’s okay—but…I don’t know.”

“It’s who you are,” he echoes her. “And you _know_ I love who you are. We’re friggin’ married now, babe!”

She smiles at that, feeling tears burn against the back of her eyes again, and he presses a poorly aimed kiss to the bridge of her nose.

“I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t say it sooner,” he says. “But, I feel like you should know that four-drink-Amy _hinted_ at it a few times…”

“Don’t remind me.” She groans, but she’s never been happier, because she’s managed to accomplish _two_ life milestones in one day.

He gasps. “You and I are bi bros now!”

She groans again, but Jake peppers her face with more kisses, forcing her to giggle, and she will always remember today—the day she married the love of her life.

(And, now, the day Amy came out to Jake.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i grew up catholic and am still navigating my sexuality so this chapter was just kinda a Mood today, ya know?
> 
> come chat it up with me on [tumblr](http://pikapegasus.tumblr.com/)!!!


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